We were meant to be.

This is the beautiful face I get to see everyday :)

Ya know when someone asks, "How are you?" , I feel like saying "How the F do ya think I am!". I want people to be honest and not say everything is going to be fine, I want them to tell me, they dont understand, they dont know what to say. Dont lie and say its ok because its not yet and Im not yet! This is probably why I have yet to talk to my mom or people who dont have expierence with this. I dont want to answer questions, or hear stupid things like "do you think the cat hair caused her heart problems" or " Theres nothing wrong with her, the doctors are wrong" Are you serious????? Like for real, did you just say that? This was said by an aunt! WOW! At least I have some people who can relate.

Last night we met my oldest friend Breigh for dinner. Breigh is probably the one person who can relate to my situation without actually having any kids. Breighs older brother is special needs. He's the greatest kid, well he's older than the two of us so I guess I can't call him a kid. Anyway, Breigh gave me the most incredible compliment which in turn made me cry like a 3 year old who just got a time out! She told me not that I deserve to have Layla but that if anyone should raise a special needs child, I should. She reminded me of how I stuck up for Brett when we were younger and kids were mean, she said I was one of the strongest people she knows. Thank you Breigh, I heart you and your family forever!

I don't feel strong, I feel heavy hearted, sad, hurt. I love this little person so much but I'm so scared I'm going to fail her in some way. Yes growing up around Brett does help. I wasn't sheltered from different, and I am very open minded because of this but can I do this? The word "I" is being used a lot........My husband is in the NAVY so shes going to be with me about 80% more than him. If he were here I think it would be a little easier. I gotta stop being so negative. We are going to be fine! WE WILL FINE!

I love you Rich, more than you could EVER understand! With all of the "bad" that keeps coming our way, you suprise me each time by showing me how incredible you are and how you can find the good in any situation! Thank you for you and Thank You for our extra perfet little girl.