I wish someone would wake me up! I wish the doctors would call and yell "APRIL FOOLS"!!!!!! Shes perfect, I see it, why can't they? So she has a little bit of an extra special heart, but they can fix that, they can make her better.
She is doing great today. She'll be 8 weeks on Monday, that will also mark the first time we meet with the Dr McGrath at YALE Childrens Hospital Genetics department. YAY! The excitement is killing me*sarcasm*. Is it horrible that I'm jealous of people with "normal" children? There are people who dont deserve kids, or have babies born addicted to drugs! I know I didn't do anything to make this happen but REALLY WTF! Am I supposed to feel this way? I know her world will be everything it is suppsed to be and she'll be treated no differently than any other child but will she know shes different? Will she grow up questioning why she cant do what other kids, teenagers or adults can do? I want to make sure she's safe from feeling alone and different. I want to protect her from EVERYTHING! but in the same breath give her freedom to be her.
In other news, I still have yet to even really speak to anyone in depth besides my sister. I dont know why but I feel like she understands her. I just wish my husband wasn't so far away. I wish we were with him in Virginia. Stupid VA only built Ranch style homes and we cant find anything we like thats not directly located in the GHETTO! We just need a home for the three of us to call our own and a place for Layla to grow up happy and healthy. I know YALE is the best for kids but I need him and she will need him just as much. This really is a reality check and it sucks!
I know it is hard and I can't imagine how you are feeling right now, but I also know that no one could raise a baby better than you. You have always been the most caring person when it comes to children and animals. I have always known you to care for others. I know that this sucks, but I also know with every fiber of my being that you will make this work. And yes, she is different from other kids, but that just makes her better. She is special. She will not be ordinary under any circumstances. Just like her mother. Extraordinary. I love you both and I am here for you. I hope that when I have a child that I can be the kind of mom that you are.
ReplyDeleteMichelle,
ReplyDeleteI cannot even come to understand what you and Rich are going through right now. I just want you to know that everyone is going to love this little girl no matter what is going on in her life. She will be protected by her big cousins. I know if she is anything like you she will be strong and will be able to live a regular life. No matter what we will be here for her. I love you guys with all my heart and if you need ANYTHING, I don't care what it is, I will be here for you. That's what family is for right? And I know people just say these things, but I will be here for you, just say the words. Love ya....your little cousin Ashley :)